ROMEO Basewave, inc. presents "The Easter Bunny Conspiracy" (a Tiny Toon Adventures story) Following is all the LegalBeagleBabble: DO NOT, for any reason whatsoever, copy this! It has been registered with the US Government as the sole property of ROMEO Basewave, inc. and all her annexations. Anybody else attempting to use it (without the express-written consent of ROMEO Basewave, inc. and all her annexations) will be shot. Okay, maybe you won't be shot, but we've got LAWYERS! An even worse fate! HAHAHAHAHA! But we weren't kidding about the officially registered part. All of ROMEO Basewave, inc.'s intellectual property is registered. PLEASE don't make us use our LAWYERS HAHAHAHAHA! I'm sorry, I just can't stop saying that. Enjoy the story. Ben C. Rotskoff Chairman & CEO ROMEO Basewave, inc. ------------------------------- Chapter One It was the day before the Easter holiday. Buster Bunny popped out of his rabbit hole. He usually didn't accept Saturday afternoon dates, as he usually slept until one. But Babs had her heart set on a late-morning meeting in the park. Buster didn't know why, exactly; Babs sounded rather excited over the phone but she wouldn't say why. Buster jumped on his skateboard and flew off down the sidewalk. When he arrived, Babs waved to him. She was standing next to a tall brown rabbit whom Buster had never seen before. The rabbit was wearing a milkman's uniform, but instead of milk, the embroidery read "Easter Delivery Service." Buster immediately felt insecure -- it was a trait in adolescent male rodents. He hid his insecurity in his voice. "Hi Babs," he announced. "Who's this?" Babs took a position between and perpendicular to the male rabbits. "Buster Bunny, I'd like you to meet my friend Henry. He works for the Easter Delivery Service, an FTD company, all rights reserved." "You memorized all that?" whispered Buster. "Hey! If ROMEO Basewave gets sued it comes out of our paycheck!" she replied. "Oh! Right!" He went back to his normal voice. "So! How ARE things, Henry Who Works For The Easter Delivery Service, All Rights Reserved?" "Just fine, Buster, and please, just call me Henry." Buster leaped forward and shook the other rabbit's hand. "THANK you!" he announced, and immediately felt secure again. "But Babs, why is he here? Tomorrow's Easter! Shouldn't he be out delivering things?" "Yes," replied Babs, "But right now he's going to give us a tour of Easter Bunny Headquarters!" "Really. Will he show us where the chocolate is made and then let us get close enough to--" "I know what you're thinking," she said. "And no." She turned to Henry. "You'll notice that Blue Ears here thinks with his stomach." "Can you blame me?" said Blue Ears. "I haven't had anything to eat since last night." "Usually he's lazy, too. He sleeps through most of Saturday." "I'm always awake enough to go out with you," he said while flashing a sly smile. Babs now started feeling insecure. "Yes! Well! Let's go!" She grabbed Henry's hand and tore off down the path with Buster in pursuit. At Easter Bunny HQ, conveniently located in the heart of downtown Acme Acres, Henry had just finished showing the other two rabbits the Baby's Breath machine. He was comically playing Typical Tour Guide to an interested Babs and a disinterested Buster. "And over heeeeere, we have the Tinsel Machine!" he announced like a dope. With each stupid machine, Buster moved slower and slower, until he found himself six feet behind Babs as he passed a giant multicolored door marked "E.B." He turned and beheld the sight. Behind that very door was the bunny that made millions of toon kids happy, year after year. It was at that point that Babs noticed his absence. She and Henry dropped six feet back. "Excuse me, sir," said a sarcastic Babs. "Tour moving too fast for you?" "But look, Babs! It's the Easter Bunny's office! Now we can--" "Yeah, I got the plan!" A voice. From inside. They looked through the keyhole. It was the Easter Bunny's voice. "Yeah!" he said, not realizing the eavesdroppers. "So I'll get the eggs, and meet you and the Tooth Fairy at the plane to Cancun. Right. Later, Boogeyman." Babs' heart sank into her feet. Buster's did the same. Henry did not look that surprised. "B-But..." she started. Henry calmed her. "I'm sorry, Babs, but we had suspected this for some time. All we needed was proof, and now we've got it." Babs indignantly dried her eyes. "So, uh, where do we go with something like this." "To the Fictional Character Courthouse, of course." ------------------------------- Chapter Two The judge's gavel came down. "I hereby find the defendant, the Easter Bunny, guilty of conspiracy." The trial had only taken one hour. The judge had planned for months on prosecuting the Easter Bunny. "I hereby dissolve the defendant's contract and remove him from his position." As Buster and Babs watched from the first row, the judge opened a small black box, and pounded his gavel again. Instantly an oversized glowing egg appeared right in front of the Easter Bunny. He had no expression as he watched it appear, and then float. It flashed and glowed and sparkled as it floated up and into the box on the judge's desk. The judge slammed the box shut. Babs had moved her glance in that time to the defendant. She nearly winced when she saw what happened next. The Easter Bunny started changing. First his sparkling green eyes... became brown. Then his fur, white with pink belly fur, all became brown. Finally, his cute yellow scarf morphed into an old, tattered shirt and jacket. Many people witnessed it, but only Babs was surprised. Her jaw dropped. She tugged on Buster's shirt and got his attention. "Buster! Buster!" "What? What is it?" "Did you see that?" "What?" "The Easter--" "Court is adjourned," announced the judge. "And could I please see you two in my chambers?" Babs noticed that he was looking right at her, but she played dumb. "Uh, who?" "You, Ms. Bunny. And your friend." In the judge's chambers, Babs immediately recognized the black box on the desk, but didn't say anything. Her ears were down, and both Tiny Toons were scared. "Now, first off, kids," started the judge, "I want you to know that there's nothing wrong, and I just wanted to thank you for coming forward." The statement brought the rabbits some relief. Buster was still curious. "So there's not going to be any Easter eggs delivered this year?" "Of course, Easter will go ahead as scheduled. But we're going to need a new Easter Bunny. First off, because the manager of the Acme Mega Mall is getting upset, as the Bunny is twenty minutes late alreay. He was supposed to do a photo shoot there today, and then deliver the eggs tomorrow." "So who's the new Bunny?" asked Babs. "We don't really have one lined up. It's usually a five-year contract thing, but for this year we'll need a temp. I need to know if you know anybody who has the time." Babs stood up. "I'll do it!" she proclaimed. Her announcement caught Buster off guard. "Babs," he whispered, "are you sure that's a good idea?" "Listen. I've always wanted to do something nice for the kids of Acme Acres, and since I don't have any homework this weekend, I can spare two days. You can be my assistant." The judge overheard and interrupted. "Actually, the Easter Bunny works alone. Besides, the Easter Bunny doesn't know Buster." "But I do!" corrected Babs. The judge was about to explain when he glanced at his watch. "Drat," he said, "there's no time to explain. You'll need to read over and sign this contr-" Before he had finished, Babs had whipped out a pen and signed the contract without reading it. She wasn't afraid. She knew who she was doing business with. The judge simply shrugged, indicating that he absolved himself of all responsibility, and he opened the box, revealing the magic egg. Babs simply picked it up and stared at its glowing presence. Buster backed up slightly. Suddenly the egg vanished; it seemed to melt into Babs. She glowed brightly for a moment, causing Buster to shield his eyes. He was able, however, to watch Babs' pink fur turn brilliant white. Her white belly fur turned pink. Her face became wider and her ears shorter. Her ear ribbons vanished and her eyes turned from blue to sparkling green. Her blouse and skirt shrunk and became a cute yellow scarf, gently tied around her neck. The glowing stopped. Buster's eyes grew huge. Even though Babs now looked like the old Easter Bunny, she seemed to him the most adorable rabbit ever to exist. For once, he was speechless. "Excuse me," the judge told the new Easter Bunny, "but I believe you have a photo shoot at the Acme Mega Mall?" "Yes Indeedy!" giggled the Easter Bunny. Babs' voice had not changed, only the tone. It was much -- sillier. The Easter Bunny bounced up and down twice, and then hopped out the window and into the air. Buster was amazed. He had never been able to hop that high. The judge broke Buster's stare. "The Acme Mega Mall is halfway across town. I'm sure the Easter Bunny is already there. You had better catch a bus." Buster whirled around and dashed out, through the empty courtroom, and out the door. ------------------------------- Chapter Three Buster zipped into the Children's Area of the Acme Mall, but could not get close enough to see Babs. The line of hyperactive children and irate parents seemed to stretch on for miles. He tried cutting, but Arnold, the big, burly, plagiarizing security guard threw him up against the wall. Fortunately when Buster slid down the wall, he landed within viewing distance of Babs. Or who he thought was Babs. No, it was the Easter Bunny. Taking pictures in front of a big, colorful backdrop in the middle of the mall with baskets of eggs and crying children. The money, of course, went to charity. If it had not, ROMEO Basewave would get sued and we all KNOW what would hit the fan if THAT happened! The photographer, obviously trying to make an extra buck on the side, was the venerable Plucky Duck. As the crowd finally cleared out, Buster managed to jump over and talk to his friend. "Plucky! What are you doing here?" "What'th it look like? I happen to be donating my time and exthellent photography thkillth to the kidth of Acme Acreth." "Paying you holiday hours, eh?" "Theven bucks an hour and all the chocolate I can eat!" "Yeah right. Listen, did you notice anything, well, familiar about the Easter Bunny this year?" "No -- well -- he theemth a bit more happy to be here than he did last year." "Her -- I mean HIS voice, Plucky. Anything familiar about his voice?" "Hmmm. Now that you mention it, thith year he kinda thoundth like--" "Yes? Yes?" "My Aunt Frieda!" "No!" Buster slapped himself on the face. "I'm sure it'th just a coincidenth. Well, it looks like the mall'th clothing, so I'm off to pick up my check, and my candy!" Plucky whirled around and accelerated away and around the corner. Buster turned back toward the Easter Bunny. With no more kids and the stage area closed, the cute white bunny hopped down and placed the camera cozy over the camera, seemingly out of habit. When the Easter Bunny looked back up, his eyes met directly with Buster's. Buster leaned slightly forward and said, "Babs? Are you in there anywhere?" As if by second nature, the Easter Bunny, with Babs' voice and a little extra giggle, said, "Oh! I'm sorry! The Easter Bunny has to go home now! There's a lot of eggs to deliver! But here's something sweet!" She put a cute little spring basket into Buster's hand, then smiled, and hopped away toward the mall exit. Buster stood there stupefied. Babs was no more. That infernal egg let the Easter Bunny take over all of Babs' body! Buster would not stand for it! But how would he go about challenging the Easter Bunny? He looked into the basket. Lined with baby's breath, it contained a foil-wrapped chocolate bunny and pink, green and yellow jelly beans. The norm. He turned and ran at top speed after the symbol of the holiday. When he got out the door, it was dark, and there was no sign of Babs. He decided to grin and bear it, and visit Easter Bunny HQ in the morning. ------------------------------- Chapter Four Buster had never before dragged himself out of bed at the crack of dawn. But this time he forced himself awake. He had to catch Babs and bring her out of her trance. He skated to Easter Bunny HQ at top speed. He arrived just in time to see a very tired-looking Easter Bunny, along with Babs' friend Henry, stagger into the main office. "Henry! What happened?" "What do you mean, What Happened? This is Easter Sunday, isn't it?" "You mean--" "E.B. and I just spent the last five hours delivering eggs to everybody!" "And you're done? But how?" "Didn't you study the Laws of Holiday Toon Physics at Acme Loo?" "I took that class, but I mainly studied SuperRabbit and Captain America." "Listen. The Easter Bunny, according to a Law, is able to move faster than light when delivering eggs. That's how he's always able to deliver them to everyone within a few hours." "Wow." "Mind-boggling, isn't it?" "Yeah. So what's YOUR role in it?" "I'm the official Easter Bunny Assistant. I have been for ten years." "Why didn't you tell us yesterday?" "I was afraid you'd ask me a lot of questions." "I have quite a few for you now!" "There's no time. We have to get Babs back to normal before school starts tomorrow morning." "Right. But -- how do we do that?" Henry looked at him. "Oh! Right!" Chapter Five Back in the judge's chambers, Buster held the door open while Henry staggered in carrying the Easter Bunny. The judge was only slightly surprised when he saw them enter. "Oh! Right!" he said. He opened the black box and the egg formed in front of the Easter Bunny. It floated into the box, and when the box closed, Babs was returned to normal. She was no longer tired. In fact, she was more normal than anyone had wanted. "All right! Somebody explain to me why I was just running around at two in the morning faster than light leaving colored eggs in the weirdest places!!" Everybody stared at her. She calmed down. "Oh. Right. The Easter Bunny thing!" The judge sat down. "Now I have to go about finding a five-year contracted replacement." Babs jumped up. "What about Henry? He's been the Easter Bunny's assistant for ten years! He knows the job better than anyone!" Henry blushed. "Oh really. I couldn't--" "Why not?" asked Buster. "You'd be perfect!" He walked over to the black box on the desk. He opened it. "Wait a minute!" snapped the judge. Buster ignored him. He continued explaining. "Just take the egg and--" He dropped the egg when he turned. It landed on his foot, causing him to fall over forward. He landed on the egg, and within seconds he started glowing. "Uh oh," said the judge. The glowing stopped and the Easter Bunny bounced up and down twice, then hopped out the window before the judge could close it. "You have to find him!" demanded the judge. "He'll be at EBHQ," reported Henry. In no time Babs and Henry arrived at the main office, and found the Easter Bunny chairing a meeting of the Board of Directors, all rabbits, discussing next year's marketing strategies. The Vice President of Marketing was finishing his report. "And in conclusion, I propose that we increase television airtime spending and--" He noticed the two visitors, and recognized one. "Henry! What are you doing here?" Henry thought fast. "I need to speak to the boss," he said. Without a word, the Easter Bunny hopped over to him, and the three slid out the door, so as not to arouse suspicion. "Uh, Mr. Bunny," said Babs, "not to alarm or anything, but there's a little boy down at the Fictional Character Courthouse who really, reeeeeeally wants to see you. "Sure thing!" giggled the Easter Bunny. He had Buster's voice, lighthearted, with a giggle. He bounced up and down, and then up and out a skylight. When Babs and Henry zipped into the judge's chambers, the judge was desparately trying to crawl out from under a big pile of pink, green and yellow jelly beans. "I can't reach the box!" he called. The Easter Bunny was throwing jelly beans all around looking for the little boy. "Come out, little boy!" he giggled. "You don't need to be afraid of the Easter Bunny! I've got some yummy jelly beans!" "Oh no!" screamed the judge. "Not more jelly beans!" The Easter Bunny threw the jelly beans in the air, and they fell to the ground, most landing on the judge. Babs made a dive for the box and snatched it before she tumbled to the ground. She sat up and opened the box. The glowing egg formed in front of the Easter Bunny. It floated across the room and down to Babs, and she closed it inside. ------------------------------- Epilogue "Eh? What happened?" asked Buster, who just realized where he was. Then he noticed that the judge was having trouble moving under approximately 6 million jelly beans. "Oh! Sorry!" he said, and then he pulled the judge out of the pile. Babs set the box down on the desk. "Now who's going to clean these jelly beans up?" demanded the judge. There was a moment of silence for recognition of ignorance. Then Henry stepped forward. "I will," he said. "There's quite a few poor and homeless children out there that only got one jelly bean a piece." The judge was impressed. "I didn't realize that. They do deserve better, don't they?" "Yes sir. But we're only one company, and there's only one Easter Bunny. Besides, as the Easter Bunny's assistant, this type of thing is my job." Henry walked over and began shoveling the jelly beans into a large sack. The judge looked at Buster and Babs, and knew what they were thinking. He agreed. "Uh, Henry," he started, "who, exactly, will be delivering these jelly beans to the homeless children?" "I suppose I will," Henry replied. "After all, I am the East--" "Really?" remarked the judge. "Wouldn't it be a better P.R. move if E.B. were to do it himself?" "Yes sir," Henry said as he worked extremely fast. Then he stopped and turned. Everybody was looking at him, hinting. Henry remained annoyingly modest. "I've nearly got the jelly beans cleaned up, sir," he said. First, the judge turned to Buster and Babs. "You can go now," he told them as he slid the box across his desk. "Contract negotiation can be a long, drawn-out process." The rabbits took the hint. They walked out the door, heading for home. "Babs," said Buster as they reached the door from the courtroom to the hall, "do you think, that despite all his experience, Henry would have some -- quirks?" No sooner had he said it than they noticed a glow coming from under the door to the judge's chambers. When the glow went away they heard something. "Ahhhhhhhh!" yelled the judge, behind the door. "No more jelly beans! I hate jelly beans! Ahhhhhhhh!" "Yes," answered Babs, "But I think they're GOOD quirks! Race you home!" She accelerated, taking special care to push Buster down before she left. He jumped up and raced after her. When they arrived at Babs' rabbit hole, the locked door seemed to be bulging up from the ground. Buster gently reached over to open it, touched the lock, and... KABOOM! A gusher shot straight up from the rabbit hole, and within seconds, the entire area was covered with pink, green and yellow jelly beans. ------------------------------- Written By Benjamin Fox Edited by Eric Goldman for ROMEO Basewave, inc. NOTICE: The following characters are the property of Time Warner, inc.: Buster Bunny Babs Bunny Plucky Duck The following places/things are the property of Time Warner, inc.: Acme Acres Acme Mall Acme Looniversity The following characters are the property of ROMEO Basewave, inc.: Henry Judge Deposed Easter Bunny I The Easter Bunny Board of Directors The following places/things are the property of ROMEO Basewave, inc.: Fictional Character Courthouse Easter Bunny Headquarters Easter Delivery Service copyright 1995 ROMEO Basewave, inc., All Rights Reserved.