Hi out there ! This is another Fanfic containing those wonderful TTA characters. It's my very first one and I don't know if it'll be good. Since I'm from Germany the original version of this story is (of course) written in German. This is a translated version. I hope I'll be able to do some American-sounding phrases, but ya know I only got the English I learned at school ;-) (Actually I've spent a week in New York, but they got their very special own slang there.-) Still, I don't think there was a German TTA-Fanfic author before, huh ? Writing this story I, was inspired by a well-known Lucas Arts Adventure game. Well, I guess you'll see what I'm talkin about, soon. All characters used in this story are property of Warner Bros. Tiny Toons is a time warner product. O.K sorry for the long introduction....start reading now.....hope you enjoy !! The Mystery Of Funny Island A Story by : Thomas Schmitz (busterbunny@iname.com) Editors : German version : Stefan Duetzer (Duetzer@t-online.de) English version : RRQUEST (RRQUEST@aol.com) (See, you don't need too many employees for a good story .-) CHAPTER I The Three Tests ================= It's a beautiful, sunny day in Acme Acres....as usual. We notice something (or perhaps somebody ?) digging it's way through the marvellous countryside. (the camera shows a signpost saying : ACME-STADIUM) VOICE : BALL !!!! A golfball hits the signpost. It whirls around and stops pointing into the wrong direction. You DID expect that, didn't you ? Michael Jordan, Larry Bird and Bill Murray are standing in front of the 18th hole with Bill still posing.... MICHAEL: That didn't look TOO good Bill. LARRY : Oh,oh ! BILL : Ok, Ok......but maybe I could make it in the NBA. What do you think, Mike ? Back at the crossing....the digging creature we still can't see (But perhaps you can imagine who it is) stops in front of the sign and then follows it to the stadium. Of course that's wrong...understand? ;-) Some time later...... Buster hops out of a hole equipped with all kinds of Acme Loo fan-stuff. BUSTER: AAAAAAHHHHH Football ! I just love this game ! GO ACME GO ! GO ACME G......Oh He looks around at a dark and creepy area. Fallen trees, a muddy, green pond, a vulture sitting on a tree stump BUSTER: (to camera) Well, that's the only bad thing 'bout travelling the rabbit-way, toonsters. An old man appears. He's got white hair and a white full beard. He's using a cane and wears a grey coat. A little bent over he slowly walks towards Buster. Suddenly he stops and looks down at him... MAN : (Pokes Buster with his cane) The governor should do something. Those rats are growing and growing... BUSTER: RATS ????? MAN : (Steps back) AaaaHHhh, it speaks ! BUSTER: Listen, freak, I'm a RABBIT ! MAN : Whatever.... BUSTER: By the way : Ya should know me, (fanfare) I'm Buster Bunny, moderator of "Tiny-Toon-Adventures"........ for a long time now MAN : (unimpressed) Well, well a comedian, huh ? So.......did you pass the tests ? BUSTER: (Confused expression) The *tests* ? MAN : Yeaaaah....Nobody who didn't pass the tests may call himself a comedian.... Especially not a blue rat. BUSTER: (Scowling) RABBIT ! MAN : Whatever ! BUSTER: Tell me more 'bout those tests. MAN : Well, they're dangerous.... BUSTER: Wuhhh ! MAN : They're adventurous..... BUSTER: WuHuuuu ! MAN : And they'll take you about 20 minutes. BUSTER: The producer will be glad. I'm on. (to cam) I'm sick of sports-episodes, anyway (blink) MAN : I doubt you'll pass the tests, Bonny.... BUSTER: Bunny MAN : Whatever.... .....but you seem to be courageous, son. I like that. (He points somewhere) Go the bar at the docks, and talk to the O.B.R.F.P.W.H.B.A.L BUSTER: (Irritated) To WHOM ?? MAN : To the Outrageous But Really Funny Pirates With Very High Blood Alcohol Level. Ya seem to be a tourist, Bonny. BUSTER: BU....oooohh, nevermind By the way : Where the heck am I ?? MAN : This is FUNNY-ISLAND, son ! BUSTER: Who knew ?.......ooops wrong line. Scene change Buster walks along a rotten, wooden jetty Finally he stops in front of an old, building... A big, wooden sign hanging over the door says : " FUNNY-ISLAND CLUB TODAY : conference of the O.B.R.F.P.W.H.B.A.L TOMORROW : "They Might Be Giants" on tour " BUSTER: WHO ARE these guys ?? He opens the door. You hear people bawling and singing songs. BUSTER: Civilized athmosphere ! He steps in, suddenly there is total silence, you can hear a cricket. Everybody is looking at Buster. BUSTER: (giggeling nervously) ohh.....he,he....hello, I hope I don't disturb anyone....he,he. VOICE : Hey Jack, thought you had the rat-problem under control ?! SLAM! Cut to outside. A man jets through the roof, screaming, then a dull sound. BUSTER: (Angry) Anybody else got any comments ?? (Silence) BUSTER: GOOD ! The pirates proceed singing and drinking (what else?). Buster walks slowly to a big round table.... BUSTER : Are you the O.B.R.F.P.W.H.B.A.L ?? PIRATE1: (He's got a black full beard, and wears an eye patch. He also wears an important looking jacket. He must be the boss) How do you know ? Our organization is top secret ! BUSTER : (Pointing at him) You shouldn't wear T-shirts that say O.B.R.F.P.W.H.B.A.L in big, yellow letters then. PIRATE1: (Grumbling) Don't tell us what to do shorty. What do you want ?? BUSTER : I want to pass the tests to prove I'm a great comedian !! PIRATES: ..................... PIRATES: Har,har,har,ho,ho,ha,har,har,har,har,ho,ho,ha,har (Buster drops one ear, humilitated) PIRATE2: (He wears a nose ring and a red headscarf, and misses some teeth.) Listen son, some of us have already drunken masses of grog, so don't make us laugh . BUSTER : (impatient) Would you pirates PLEASE explain the tests now ? PIRATE3: (a smaller guy with a beard) Why should we ? BUSTER : Well, 1. This is planned to be a 20-minutes episode. and 2. I control your employer. He pulls out Steven from under his shirt and throws him away. PIRATE1: Ok then, boy. But keep in mind : (Thunder. Ominous music. Dramatical closeup to the pirate) Just a few people ever passed the "THREE TESTS" !!! BUSTER : (To himself) Cool ! If you knew my girlfriend, you'd believe me capable of it (Blink) So, spit it out....what do I have to do, Doc ?? PIRATE1: There are three tests. First : The breath of God....only the penitent will pass. Second:... PIRATE2: (whispering in his ear) Hey Jim, wrong Adventure !! PIRATE1: Oh...sorry Uhm, your first task is : Find the ACME-LIL-MISS-MAKEUP-KIT ,the governor keeps, and bring it back here ! BUSTER : Uhm....That doesn't sound TOO hard ! PIRATE1: Well, you'll see what's so hard about it as soon as you get to know our governor. BUSTER : And why do you guys want it ? PIRATE2: I need more eyeshadow. BUSTER : Ahhhhh hah...(to cam, raising one eyebrow) Really tough guys. (shakesperean) Gentlemen...I will return.....soon. He strides to the door. PIRATE2: That's not our standart-task, Jim. PIRAT1 : Well I know....but tell the author. He's one of those drooling Babs-Fanboys...... Stay tooned...cause we'll be right back after the break... Our hero will have to face adventures, figths and cunning opponents, but love and romance, too. Weak and exhausted Buster crawls through a deep jungle. Glowing eyes follow his way from the darkness. Struggling with several tropical diseases, he sinks to earth, when suddenly... BUSTER: Hey...you...out there....Stop it !! You fans have tortured me in many ways during the last few years, but that's TOO MUCH ! Uhm......sorry, when suddenly a clearing appears, and he sees the governors house. BUSTER: That's better... BUSTER: Looks like this test will be a piece of cake. Buster approaches the mansion. Windows and roof are painted pink. BUSTER: (sarcastic) Very......tasteful. Suddely a fat guard appears. RALPH : Hey you, rabbit !! Stay where you are ! The guard runs toward him as fast as possible. (Which for Ralph means pretty slow.) RALPH : (Towering over Buster) WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOIN` HERE ????? BUSTER: Sheesh......Ya don't haveta' yell, Doc. Well....let's come to the point. (He takes out a carrot and nibbles at it) The governor's waiting for me. I'm expected to deliever the monthly bribes. KICK !! Buster flies yards away. BUSTER: (Turning to the camera as he soars over the trees) Did I say "a piece of cake" ?? He lands in a heap He takes his time brushing himself off, and then spin changes into a vacuum cleaner salesman in checkered pants. BUSTER: This ALWAYS works ! (Winking to the camera) He returns to Ralph. BUSTER: (Talking a mile a minute so Ralph can't get a word in edgewise) Heeellloooo Mr. guard. The ACME-VAC-COMPANY sent me to offer this incredible innovation to YOU : Yesss the new ACME-25B14 doesn't only clean, ohhh no it does the dishes, irons your clothes, entertains your children, takes out the dog... BOOT !! same procedure.-) BUSTER: (lying in a crumpled heap) Don't worry Toonsters, ya know I'm stubborn. Wanting to prevent traumas, and also to avoid a lawsuit by the ASPCA, the following running gag has been shortened ! Buster standing in front of Ralph again... BUSTER: Hello sir ! Someone saw a big, fat, terrifying, uniformed animal 'round here... Ralph is about to kick..... BUSTER: Watch out ! Behind you : A THREE-HEADED MONKEY !! (c) Lucas Arts Ralph turns around and Buster jets into the house. BUSTER: Hey, it really works. Thanks Guybrush... (Scene change to Guybrush hanging on a branch over a bottomless gully, giving the camera a thumbs up.) "Like, anytime, little blue dude!" (Camera zips back to Buster) Buster creeps trough the mansion's giant entrance-hall. BUSTER: (lost in thoughts) So let's see...where do women keep their make-up ?? In the bathroom !! But.....where is the bathroom ?? He looks around, helpless at hundreds of identical doors and never ending corridors. BUSTER: Hey, this could be helpful. Buster stops in front of a map. After taking a short look at it he turns around to see the bathroom-door BUSTER: (to cam) Finally the author's got some good ideas. He carefully opens the door.....squeeeeeaaaak..... BUSTER: I hate that sound. A bright shine dazzles Buster. BUSTER: I've got it !!!!! It's the ACME-LIL-MISS-MAKEUP-KIT Buster is about to reach for it, when he suddenly feels a rifle's cold barrel from behind. VOICE: Move one ear and there's no knowing what will happen ! BUSTER: (sweating) Oh....he, he....Ya know Ma'am it's just that..... He turns around and standing in front of him is... BABS : (Aiming at Buster) No excuses, you...... (Author's Note: CAREFUL !! Romance and passion ahead. If ya hate soaps like "California-Clan" you should skip the following section................ but you'll miss something :) The two bunnies look into each other's eyes for an endless seeming moment. (Babs drops the rifle...she appears to be a little confused) Their hearts pounded, and lost in thoughts they heard heavenly sounds. (Tell me if I exaggerate, ok ?) BUSTER: You, you must be the g..g....governor (pant) But..you're....I mean..you're.....a woman. BABS : Welcome to the 90s........... My name is Babs......Babs Bunny. They approach each other. BUSTER: I'm Buster Bunny. PLUCKY: (Popping his head in from off camera) No relation! BABS : (Hands on hips) Get lost, duck ! This is our scene. PLUCKY: Ok, ok ! But it's an incredible waste of talent ! I'm hardly considered in this story. KLANG !!! An anvil hits Plucky. (Sorry...had to do it .-) BUSTER: Let's continue... BABS : Oh Buster ! BUSTER: Oh Babs ! I've been waitin' for you my whole life ! .......... Oh, yeah....I need the ACME-LIL-MISS thing, now. Ya know : I have to pass the tests and.... BABS : WHAAAT ????? Oh Buster Bunny, you're like all the other men. You guys always have to prove your masculinity. Leave me alone !! BUSTER: Uhm, you wan'me to go ?? BABS : (turns away from Buster) YES ! BUSTER: Oh........can I take the MAKEUP-KIT with me ? (Outside the house) Buster crashes through the (closed) door and lands at the usual place. The makeup-kit hits his head. BUSTER : (dazed) WoW.....love and disconnection within 2 minutes. Well....at least I got this thing.......... There'll be enough time for romance later. . . . The Funny Island Club: Buster stumbles (still a little dazed) into the room. He staggers towards the pirates' table. BUSTER : (exhausted) I got it ! He puts the package on the table. PIRATE1: (Looks at him suspicious) Have we already met ? PIRATE2: It's the bunny who wants to do the tests, Jim ! PIRATE1: Oh....yeah.....right. So, you passed the first test !? BUSTER : Yes, but lemme ask you somethin' : What has this to do with comedy ???? (to cam) I bet ya asked yourself that, too, huh ? PIRATE2: Well, it WAS funny when she kicked your butt, son ! PIRATES : .............. PIRATES : Har,har,har,ho,ho,ha,har,har,har,har,ho,ho,ha,har BUSTER : Who..........ohh nevermind..................... (aside) How did I get involved into this sick story ?? Could we PLEASE proceed now ? I got work to do, too. PIRATE1 : Sure son ! But be prepared....the next test will be much more cruel, scary, brutal.... BUSTER : Yeah, yeah...knock it off......what do I have to do ? PIRATE1 : Listen carefully : Your next task is as follows : In the deep jungle of Funny-Island lives the Master. Find her and defeat her in a fight...1 on 1. BUSTER : Sure, but what kind of a fight ? PIRATE1 : You'll find out. Go and see THE One-Legged, he's the only one to teach you how to defeat the Master. BUSTER : But there's hundreds of one legged, uh, one legs around here! PIRATE1 : Right......but he's THE One-Legged. Now this is the perfect time to go get something to eat, fellas. In a few moments you'll experience the next part of our thrilling story. See Toons fighting till they drop from exhaustion, without any reason, just cause I want it....... And again our hero Buster Bunny (who's now doubtful about the length of this story) sets off. He has to find THE One-Legged, to learn how to fight, cause he'll have to face the Master : BUSTER: Let's see......how can you find THE One-Legged on an island full of one-legged pirates ? He looks round when hundreds of signs appear...all pointing at a small house, and saying things like : To THE One-Legged Yeah, you're right FREE T-shirt for visitors It's THE One-Legged BUSTER: Hey, What did ya expect ? It's still a cartoon !!!! Buster approaches the house.............. Finally he stands in front of it and is about to knock, when the door is opened a little. Suddenly he is pulled inside by someone. In THE One-Legged's house : Buster confined to chair and gaged. BUSTER: MPFHHFMMMWHAPTFHTHEMMMMPHHH....... He struggles some seconds then somehow removes the gag..... BUSTER: So, THAT'S how ya say "welcome" here ? VOICE : (a deep, thunderous voice) What do you want ?? No ordinary mortal.....besides the postman.......ever dared to come here. BUSTER: Why ? Need some mouthwash ? *flourish* VOICE : Hey, no joking, ok !? It's supposed to be dramatical ! (Steps. Then Hamton appears....) HAMTON: (With his normal voice) It's my first important part and I wanna do it as best as possible. Plucky appears again: PLUCKY: WHAT ????? Swineface here has a better part than I have ? THAT'S..... (sound of fallin' anvil) (he looks up).....not that bad......he,he. He disappears. BUSTER: Are YOU the one-legged ? HAMTON: No, I'm THE One-Legged BUSTER: Oh, sorry...... HAMTON: So....what do you want, stranger ? BUSTER: I'm Buster Bunny and I'm about to pass the tests. Well, one told me I'd better go see you before the next test. HAMTON: The Master ?? BUSTER: YUP ! HAMTON: You're not prepared, huh ? BUSTER: You're right again! HAMTON: Well then, lemme explain what the deal with this fight is...... Fade to black (You'd like to know it, huh ?? ;) The governor's house.....her bedroom : BABS: (jittery) Oh boy.....I just can't decide what to wear today. She whirls around and appears as : (Cher) BABS: Too provocative... (Hillary Clinton) BABS: too conservative... (Sinead O'Connor) BABS: Whoa ! Finally wearing her usual dress.... BABS: (to cam) Somehow I always relapse back into it. She's rummaging about for something when a mysterious shadow approaches from behind. Suddenly the stranger grabs Babs, puts his hand on her mouth and pulls her out of the screen. BABS: mmmMmmMPHELPHFFmmMN . . . THE One-Legged's house..... Buster steps out of the door followed by Hamton. BUSTER: Wow...your tricks will make it easy to defeat the Master. Thanks buddy ! Oh, by the way : Ya haven't told me where to find the Master, yet. HAMTON: Oh, silly me : Enter Crazy-Forest, turn left at the first oak and then.... straight forward. (Concerned expression) MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU ! BUSTER: Yeah, uhm, sure. Se ya One-Legged ! While Buster hops down the street, Hamton slowly fades away. Later Buster reachs a sign in front of a forest : " CRAZY-FOREST Everything can happen here! REALLY everything! " Buster walks along unimpressed. After a while he stops. You hear voices and Buster hides behind a bush. Two figures step out of the darkness.... HEFFER : Oh, look Rocko.......Chokey-Chicken !! Let's go there, ok ?! I'm STARVING !! ROCKO : I 'da know Heff.. HEFFER : Oh come on, it'll be fun ! ROCKO : Ok.....let's go. They go away. Buster leaves his hide-out. BUSTER : Hmmmmm....a yellow bull with green hair and a kangaroo wearing sneakers. Now, that IS crazy. Buster goes on walking till he again hears something. BUSTER : Time to hide again. STIMPY : Oh joy ! Isn't that great Ren !? We're completely alone and without food in a dark forest and lost our way !! REN : Shut up Stimpy.......just shut up. They pass Buster. BUSTER : (looking puzzled) This is gettin' real scary.... A little confused now he suddenly hears a woman scream. He runs in the screams' direction, and lurks through some bushes. Two people are hanging on a burning rope with a pit full of snakes under them. A woman and..... Indiana Jones : *sob* Snakes !.......I HATE snakes !! BUSTER: (to cam) Hey....don't worry ! You know him....he'll be okay. He walks away BUSTER: One more cameo and I`ll scream ! Suddenly two mice are standing right in his way.... Buster stops looking down at the mice, shocked BRAIN : Let's go home Pinky. I'll have to prepare for tomorrow. PINKY : *narf* Oh great Brain......but, uhm...what are we gonna do tomorrow ? BRAIN : Same as everyday............... BUSTER: AaaaAAAAAaaaaAAhHhhhHHHhh..... He runs away leaving just a Buster-shaped cloud behind... BRAIN : Some people don't have any self-control.... Buster trudges along exhausted. Finally a clearing appears Buster crosses a bridge to reach a small house. Suddenly he hears sounds from behind the house. He goes there.... FIFI : (In a complete musketeer-outfit) Oooolala ! Un visitoor ! Ow may Ah elp vous mah andsome ra-beet ? BUSTER: YOU are the Master ????? FIFI : (shrugging) Oui, why not ?? Monsieur author thought zat mah french accent would be pairfect. BUSTER: Well, whatever. Let's not waste time by blathering. I have to prove I'm a real comedian ! FIFI : (Sobbing disappointedly) Le sigh. Eet ees always ze same. Le Tourists! Very ze well... Fifi draws a sword and throws a second sword to Buster who catches it. They pose pirate-like in front of each other. FIFI : Ah hope vous know ze rooles. BUSTER: Sure.......worst joke wins......ready when you are. (to cam) You didn't expect THAT, did ya ?. FIFI : Good ! Your turn. En garde !! Fencing... BUSTER: "Is the fish really fresh ?" -"Sure ! Look it's still chewing the bait." Fifi steps back. Fencing.... FIFI : " Yestairday Ah met your husband, but he didn't see me." -"Yes, he told me zat" Buster stumbles some steps backwards. Fencing.... BUSTER: "Say, do cows smoke ?" -"No" "Then the barn is burnin'" Buster is now in a strong position.... FIFI : Mon dieu....you're ze good fighter ! Take zat : "What eez a mummy" -"A preserved king" BUSTER: Yipes! He stumbles and now falls. Being unconscious he has a vision : HAMTON: Don't give up now Buster ! You can defeat her. Use the deadly taxi-joke !!!! And remember : The force.....uhm.....ya know the rest... Buster recovers.... BUSTER: Prepare to lose, Master ! Fifi does an amazed expression. BUSTER: What did the elephant have to do after he had taken the taxi ? - He had to give it back ! With one strike, he disarms Fifi. FIFI : Oh no ! Defeated ! Zat was ze worst joke I've evair heard. BUSTER: (proud) THE One-Legged told me that. FIFI : ZE One-Legged, Master of ze bad jokes ! Ah should have known ! Well, Ah'm ze looser, no ?.....take zis t-shirt to proove your triumph.........It eez 100% cotton. Buster takes the shirt : "I DEFEATED THE MASTER" BUSTER: Well.......thanks a lot. Have to go now. There's one last test left, I guess. Fifi kisses him passionately and Buster shoots off over the forest like a rocket. FIFI : Au revoir mon petit bunny. He eez ze cute bunny, no ? So our friend Buster Bunny passed the second test. Now contented, he makes his way back to town to celebrate his success, have some carrot-juice, and last but not least, to face the last test. (Let's not talk 'bout what he saw on his way through Crazy-Forest) The Funny-Island-Club Buster comes in. Silence, nobody there, empty tables. Buster walks towards the O.B.R.F.P.W.H.B.A.L s' table Grog-jugs, scraps of today's menu (believe me, you wouldn't want to know) on this table. Buster notices a pirate sitting in a corner of the room... BUSTER : (A concerned look on his face) Hey mac, what happened here ?? PIRATE1: They're all gone. BUSTER : I see...but why ?? PIRATE1: Something awful happened.... something unbelievable.... something horrible.... BUSTER : (tapping his foot impatiently) Spit it out ! PIRATE1: The governor....SHE`S BEEN KIDNAPPED !! BUSTER : BABS ?? KIDNAPPED ???? BY WHOM ????? PIRATE1: We don't know either ! OOOh, what are we gonna do... She controls the grog-import...(he bursts into tears) BUSTER : (taps his back) (dramatic) Have no fear citizen of Funny-Island. I will rescue the sweet Babs !!! PIRATE1: Well, that would be...........nice. Did ya pass the second test ? Buster hands him the t-shirt. Good...if you rescue the governor, I remit the third test. BUSTER : (shrugging) But I don't know where to start. PIRATE1: Visit the mighty Vodoo-Aunt downtown. Perhaps she can help. Oh and could you please ask her for my......uhm.....order ? Tell her it's for Jim. BUSTER : I'll not rest until I've found Babs. (to cam) So stay tiny-tooned...this is goin' to be fun.... YESSS don't miss the second chapter : "Journey To Creepy-Island" Will Buster succeed in saving his big love from her cruel kidnapper ? What's the deal with the pirate's order ?? And is my father's brother my uncle ??? So be prepaired. CHAPTER II Journey To Creepy-Island ======================== Here we go again. Let's continue one of the greatest adventures Buster ever experienced..... BUSTER: Besides the rafting-tour in HISMV... Uhm...right BUSTER: And "Passadena Jones".... Hmmmm......yes I forgot to mention BUSTER: And... Ok, ok...Let's start ! BUSTER: Sure...... Fine....here we go : Buster is desperate...his big love, Governor Babs Bunny , was kidnapped by a stranger, and he hasn't the slightest idea how to find her. In this despairing situation he decides to ask the mighty Voodoo-Aunt for help.... BUSTER: But I won't WALK there ! Why not ? BUSTER: I might have big feet, but that doesn't mean I can walk those distances..... Isn't there any public transportation in this dump? A taxi stops (tires smoking) in front of him. BUSTER: That's more like it. Buster enters. He looks at the driver. CALAMITY : (Holding up a sign) Where you wanna go ? BUSTER : The Voodoo-Aunt. You know the way ? CALAMITY : (Turns the sign) Sure... The taxi drives away at breakneck speed, leaving a black cloud behind. . . In front of the Voodoo-Aunt's shop.... Buster gets out of the taxi... BUSTER: Thanks shorty... Suddenly a familiar.... BEEPER: Beep, beep ! Seconds later the taxi races away. BUSTER: He just can't help himself ;-) Buster looks at the door. BUSTER: Hmm..."Funny-Island Voodoo-Center....and professionell Shoe-Repairs". Hey, convenient combination. Who said this town was underdeveloped ? Buster opens the door, and carefully enters the shop. He looks around to find himself in a dark, cheerless room, filled with cobwebs, and hundreds of tiny bottles, filled with liquids of all colors one can imagine....and something that smells really...*old*. Buster takes a few steps forward, and stopping in front of a shelf, takes a box from it. He blows away the dust covering it's label.... BUSTER: "Magic-Dust".....could be useful. You never know. (to cam) Don't worry. I know how to handle it *wink* He puts the box in one of his pockets (Ya know, you can't see 'em, but they exist.-) BUSTER: HELLOOOOOOHOOOO..... Anybody home ? Ya shouldn't leave all the uhhm...interesting thingies alone..... I bet many people are keen on this kinda stuff. Then Buster notices a giant armchair. Someone seems to be sitting on it, but he can only see the back of the chair and the strangers arm. BUSTER: (nervous) Ohhh....he,he.....I..I wanna talk to the Voodoo-Aunt. The chair slowly begins to move. BUSTER: *shiver* After some thrilling seconds, Buster is finally able to see the person........ SHIRLEY: Like...no problem. She's right in front of ya....or some junk! BUSTER : (Relieved) Are customers always frightened like that here ? SHIRLEY: (grinning) Part of my job ! So...like, how can I help ya ? BUSTER : Well, I REALLY need help : Miss Bunny was kidnapped, and I have to rescue her....But I don't know where to start searching ! SHIRLEY: Like...You think I didn't know ?..... Follow me, I'll ask the big crystal ball, and junk. Shirl gets up, and leaves the room through a small door covered by a curtain Buster does a "She-must-be-crazy" impression before following Shirl. They enter an even darker room. Just a few candles glowing. Buster and Shirley sit down at a small table.... SHIRLEY: I'll call the mighty ghosts from the underworld now. BUSTER : Whatever....can't get worse, can it ? Shirl with a louder, more dramatic voice.... SHIRLEY: Oh you mighty spirits,like, give me a sign... Like, appear and give me your answers divine....and junk. Nothing.... BUSTER : (sarcastic) Impressive.... SHIRLEY: Oh....I forgot somethin'. She pulls out a cable from under the table, and plugs it into the socket. BUSTER : And THATS magic ??? SHIRLEY: (Opening her bill to speak) BUSTER : Wait ! I know : Welcome to the 90's... SHIRLEY: Now....let's try that again. Like, oh mighty spirits, give me a sign...appear and give me your answers divine....and stuff. The ball begins to glow and strange sounds eminate from it. Buster recoils. Suddenly the whole room begins to shake. The crystal ball floats over the table. BUSTER : I didn't know we contracted "Industrial Light & Magic"...... SHIRLEY: (An intense look on her face) Silence ! Like, I can see somethin' ! Yes...clearer and clearer ! BUSTER : WHAT ?? What is it ? SHIRLEY: It's a ship.....not an ordinary ship.....it's a............. a Ship-From-Hell ! BUSTER : Uh, ohh... SHIRLEY: I see Babs, and junk.....They, they're on their way to CREEPY-ISLAND. BUSTER : Doesn't sound inviting... But the kidnapper....WHO IS IT ?? SHIRLEY: It's, it's......it's.......AAAaahHhhhhh... Suddenly something hurls Shirl against a wall. A bright lightning, the crystal ball hits the table and breaks. Buster runs towards Shirl..... BUSTER : You ok ? SHIRLEY: I think so. BUSTER : Who is it ? SHIRLEY: It's : THE MIGHTY.......LeBUG !!!!! BUSTER : (puzzled) WHO ?? SHIRLEY: Like, LeBug....the most powerful and world's greatest comedian ! Well.....HE thinks so.... He's in touch with the DARK SIDE ! BUSTER : (Irritated) The Dark Side ?? SHIRLEY: Yes......like, the DARK SIDE The Dark Side can be powerful. BUSTER : I...I don't believe it ! SHIRLEY: That's why you fail...(Pausing for a moment in realization) Like, whoops. Wrong genre. LeBug has unbelievable powers....and stuff. No one ever defeated him, because of his magic-powers, or some junk. BUSTER : You didn't either ? I mean...you know all the magic stuff, don't ya ? SHIRLEY: Like, this guy has a real bad Karma, and junk. I really get sick, when he's around. BUSTER : (to cam) I already asked myself when the bad guy would appear. Where can I find LeBug ? SHIRLEY: Like, no problem : He's got a mansion on Creepy-Island. BUSTER : Creepy-Island.... SHIRLEY: Like yeah, a really like totally small island in the North of Funny-Island. Take this map...... BUSTER : (Desperate) But...how can I get there ? I don't even have a ship ! SHIRLEY: Like calm down ! A friend of mine sells ships. His business card.... She hands a small card to Buster. SHIRLEY: Throw it into a glass of grog, and it'll turn into a sponge.... BUSTER : (Raising one eyebrow) Really ?? Well...uhm...thanks a lot. SHIRLEY: Like, I hope you'll be lucky, and junk Oh and....like, this could be useful..... She hands a small doll and some tiny anvils to Buster. BUSTER : Great....but what is it ? SHIRLEY: Like, a Voodoo-doll I created years ago, or some junk. I don't know if it'll work, but I hope so. BUSTER : Thanks. Gotta go now. SHIRLEY: See ya. Buster leaves the shop..... SHIRLEY: (shouting) And tell him his shoes will be ready next week ! SHIRLEY: Damn....the bill. Forgot to ask him for his address. Like, well......I'm a fortune-teller.... Meanwhile.... LeBug's ship : An intimidated, one-legged pirate, and a VERY nervous and angry Babs... PIRATE: (Subdued) Miss Bunny...It's for your own good. BABS : (VERY angry) My own good ? MY OWN GOOD ?? That stinkin, stupid guy kidnapps me and takes me to this rotten ship, and you tell me it's for my own good ?? PIRATE: We'll reach Creepy-Island soon.... BABS : (Folding arms) I'm going NOWHERE !! PIRATE: I really don't want to hurt you. Babs face turns red. She stamps towards the pirate...he steps back. Then we hear breaking glass, and some painful punches. Back to Funny-Island.... Buster reaches the docks. A large area with lots of ships of all sizes. He takes a look at the big wooden sign, saying : " DAN`S USED SHIPS We got what you want " Then Buster notices another smaller sign : " Got CASH ?? Otherwise GET LOST !! " He knocks at the door of a small office, and looks through a window... BUSTER: Hello !? Gogo appears behind him. Gogo : (screaming) MAY I HELP YOU SIR ?? BUSTER: AhhhhhHHhhHhHH Buster rockets into the air from fright. BUSTER: (shocked) I'm searchin' for Dan. Gogo whirls around and appears waering a tasteless, black-yellow-checkered jacket. DAN : Hello I'm Dan, from Dan's Used Ships. I bet you want to buy a ship ? Right ?? BUSTER: ... DAN : Of course you want to buy a ship. Why else would you come here. Stupid me...haha. Let's see...we got big ships, small ships, normal-size ships, slow ships, fast ships, bath tubs, tree trunks, wooden coffins. My Motto is : If you're dissatisfied, I'm dissatisfied, but I'm sure you'll leave us totally satisfied. Why am I so sure ? Well, look at all those babies !! This model for example..... He grabs Buster and pulls him out of view. They stop in front of a giant sailing ship. DAN : It's got EVERYTHING a modern pirate needs : Air-conditioning, A T.V in evry room (restrooms included), a Windows95(c)-Navigation-Parrot... He pulls a parrot out of his pocket. PARROT: KRAAAX....Unable to connect to server.....DNS-Name-Server set wrong ...KROAX BUSTER: I... DAN : (Cutting Buster off and clapping an arm on his shoulder) I know what you wanna say : I'm searchin' for something noble Something phenomenal. Something, that makes my friends REALLY jaelous... Well, take a look at *that* ! He pulls Buster towards the next ship. A luxury-liner... DAN : This baby has the newest technology, extreme comfort and enough space for up to 978 persons. Perfect for a nice trip on the weekend. 2.500.000 $, a special offer !! Only today !!! You also get a bonus : This CD "Greatest Hits of the 60s" and, you won't believe it, an original Kevin Costner autograph. Only cash, please... BUSTER: Ya know....Dan....I think I can't afford that. DAN : Really ?? Now, how much ? Buster takes a few bills out of his pocket.... BUSTER: (grinning sheepishly) Uhhh, how 'bout......10.25 $ ?! DAN : (Frowning and speechless for a moment) I think I got the perfect ship for you. Follow me, please. They stop in front of a tiny, old fishing boat. DAN : Normally I can't sell it for less than 12 $... He looks at the boat. The mast breaks and crunches half the rail before falling into the water. Dan turns towards Buster... DAN : But I think 10.25 is ok. BUSTER: Fine...I take it. He hands over the money. BUSTER: Can I cast off right now ? DAN : Sure...the earlier I get rid of this trash...uhm, I mean I'm sure you'll enjoy your new treasure. Buster boards the boat takes a look at the motor, and tries to start it. After trying for a number of minutes, the boat finally moves.... With the engine smoking and strange sounds coming from it, Buster slowly motors away. BUSTER: Your brave bunny is on his way to save you, Babs ! Some important looking parts drop off the boat while it makes it's way. DAN : He IS brave. . . . LeBugs mansion somewhere in the jungle of Creepy-Island....... A big room. A knocking at the door. The one-legged pirate comes in. He slowly hobbles forward using a crutch. His right arm is bandaged. Oh, and he's got a black eye.-) He begins to talk to someone we can't see.... PIRATE: Mister LeBug Sir, I just want to report, that the governor is in her room, now. VOICE : Hmm... PIRATE: Well, we had some problems... Some men won't be able to work tomorrow. VOICE : Hmmm.. PIRATE: (Getting nervous) Uhm, I, uhhm, think I should go now.... He carefully leaves the room going backwards and closes the door. . . . Buster is on his way to Creepy-Island, now. Fearless (and able to steer a ship, as you can see in "No Toon Is An Island") he approaches the small island...home of the horrid LeBug. He doesn't know what will be waiting for him, but thinking of the governor encourages him. BUSTER: And I'll miss the game anyway... Uhm...yes, but the main reason is the governor whom he wants to save..... BUSTER: Lemme see, I got this map. Let the journey begin... Well...uhm...I didn't say he's a good navigator. So Buster cruises around for some hours. After one day of his restless journey... BUSTER: (singing) When the ship runs out of ocean and the vessel runs aground land's where we know the boat is found.... Hey...wait a sec...That's impossible.....No...really !! Land!! (Enthusiastic) Must be Creepy-Island ! I did it ! Buster rows the lifeboat to the coast. And he rows it fast....fast enough to reach the coast before the lifeboat sinks.... Breathless, he notices a strange old man sitting on the beach. BUSTER: *pant* Hi....My name is Buster Bunny. MAN : (Not even looking at him) So what ? BUSTER: Well.....I thought nobody would ever come here... Ya know...because of this LeBug-Vodoo-Magic-stuff. MAN : (He finally looks at Buster) Well, son...I was shipwrecked, so I couldn't choose where to live. My name is Walt. Some guy called Dan took me for a ride, 20 years ago. BUSTER: Dan from "Dan's Used Ships". WALT : Exactly. I know he wanted to get rid of me...he never liked my Cartoons....nobody liked my Cartoons... It was a conspiracy !! A cunning conspiracy !!!! BUSTER: (To cam. Puzzled) Ya know what he's talkin'about ?...I guess you do. Whatever.....Can you tell me, how to reach LeBugs mansion ? WALT : (Pointing) You see that cabin over there ? BUSTER: Yes. WALT : That's where I live, so stay away from it. LeBug lives some miles in the north...big castle, can't miss it. BUSTER: Thanks, Walt. WALT : Tell him to do his Voodoo-stuff a little more quiet. There are people who want to sleep. And I'm not here voluntary. I don't spend my holidays here, you know. It was a mean conspiracy ! Buster is about to walk away... BUSTER: Oh, by the way....what happened to your pants ? Walt looks at him... WALT : Hey, I could ask YOU the same. BUSTER: Oh, and I could take you back to Funny-Island, if you want me to. WALT : You will ! Buster goes away . WALT : (Lost in thoughts) Hmmm...I feel like we've met. After following a small path for some miles, Buster finds himself standing in front of an iron gate. Looking up, he sees an impressive castle (It's one of those dark and menacing castles....surrounded by dark clouds *shiver* .-) Without wavering, the brave bunny walks through the gate... BUSTER: You know...uhmmm....I'd better think about that... Hey...come on, the show must go on. Remember Babs...... BUSTER: Ok, ok. Actors ! ;-) Well, Buster walks towards the castle. He reaches the front door, it's ajar. He enters a giant hall. Around him are old, rotten carpets, and suits of armor standing around everywhere. Everything is covered with dust and cobwebs. Silence.... Buster slowly walks along a narrow corridor. It seems to be endless with nothing but doors as far as the eye can see. BUSTER: Oh boy....How am I ever gonna find Babs here? Suddenly he notices a larger door. Over the door, there's a sign... BUSTER: Hotel-Bar. Just for guests. Looks very promising. He opens the door, and steps back shocked, when he finds the bar full of people. The barkeeper looks at Buster. Buster takes a seat at the bar. Again he looks at the crowd, a little puzzled as you can imagine. He reads the barkeepers nameplate..... BUSTER: Listen...Carl....who are all these people ? CARL : Well, they're guests....just like you Mr. Bunny. BUSTER: (Suspicious expression) Why do you know my name ? CARL : That's not important....How may I help you ? BUSTER: A Double-Carrot-Juice, Karl. That's what I need, now. CARL : Just a minute, Sir. He turns around, rummages about for something and finally puts a glass of carrot-juice on the bar. Meanwhile Buster is searching for some money. BUSTER: Uhm, Carl, seems like I haven't got enough money... CARL : That's no problem, Sir. You can buy on credit. BUSTER: Good. Buster turns around... Nobody there...just a few dusty chairs standing on empty tables. BUSTER: (Panicing) Hey......Where'd they all go Ca... The bar is empty, too. Buster gets up and slowly moves towards the door. Having reached it he rages out and slams the door. BUSTER: (to cam) I hate this kind of parody... Hey, you out there. Don't you think this scene was way too scary for a cartoon ? Send your flames to :.. Wait a second...I just want to make the story a little bit more thrilling. Suddenly a scream rings out... BUSTER: Babs ! That's Babs !! I have to help her ! Seconds later, a blue lightning dashes through the corridors. (Scene changes to a crossroads) Buster knocks out a policeman, waving a 40mph-sign, (Scene changes to a jungle) leaves some vicious alligators behind, (Scene changes to a battlefield) and easily jumps over some barbed wire. Another scream... Buster stops in front of another door. (sorry,but there are so many of'em ;-) He kicks the closed door to open it BUSTER : Here I am ! Don't have no fear ! ....I love to say this stuff. *blink* Buster rushes into the room and notices Babs sitting in front of a T.V. She's tied. He looks at the T.V. BUSTER: OH MY GOD.....IT'S BARNEY !! Hearing Buster, Babs turns around... BABS : Buster !! You're here to save me..... You really took your time, blue-ears !! He runs to the T.V and disconnects it, then he starts to remove Babs' bonds. BUSTER: Who is inhuman enough to torture someone like that ?? Babs points behind him... VOICE : I AM ! A dark figure wearing a black cape, holding a shining sword..... ............................PLUCKY ! BUSTER: YOU are LeBug !! I should have known... PLUCKY: Right...who else could act like that... BUSTER: Yeah....like a loud, self-centred, show-off. You're really perfect... So, why did you do something evil like that ? .... (to cam) The bad guy will explain his plan now, folks. As usual. PLUCKY : (Whips out his contract) Standard part of a villians contract you know. Well....just make a little guess. I used Babs as bait to get you here. And now you'll spend the rest of your lives on this island. As soon as I'm back in Acme-Acres, I'll announce your disappearance. And then Tiny Toon Adventures will be MINE.... Well, of course it'll be "Plucky Duck Adventures" . And YOU will never stand in front of a camera again ! BABS : WaaaAAaAAaAaaaAAHHhhhHhh BUSTER: (Yawning and with a bored look) Are you all done ? PLUCKY: (Thinking a moment) I think so... BUSTER: Fine, because your silly dreams will never come true ! PLUCKY: Really ? What are ya gonna do ? People bend down as soon as they see me !! BUSTER: BEFORE they smell your breath ? *flourish* PLUCKY: Ha ! That's all you can do ? Some old jokes ? BUSTER: No.......I also got....THIS !! He takes out the Voodoo-doll and places an anvil over it's head BUSTER: Specially designed for self-centred, weak ducks. PLUCKY: (sarcastic) Impressive....*yawn* But I got this... He takes out a smaller doll and some needles... BUSTER: And what is it supposed to be ? PLUCKY: Well, it's a Vodoo-doll of your Vodoo-doll... He pricks the doll. Buster's doll jumps out of his hand and starts coughing and panting, and finally falls down. BUSTER: (nervous) Uh, hehe, let's talk about it... Plucky takes his sword and slowly walks towards Buster. Buster is trapped in a corner, sweating. BUSTER: Ya know...you really need a cleaner........ Look at all the dust.... ......... ..... DUST ! That's it ! PLUCKY: What are you talking 'bout ? BUSTER: (Pointing behind him) Hey, look ! It's Cooper DeVille !! PLUCKY: WHERE ? WHERE ? With lightning speed Buster takes out the magic-dust and molds a magic-dust-baseball. SYLVESTER (don't ask...he's just there) Ladies and gentlemen here he is : It's your star Buster Bunny ! Will he do it ? This is the crucial moment... Buster starts hurling his rigth arm propeller-like. Faster and faster. Then he throws. The ball flies towards Plucky who turns around at the same moment.... PLUCKY: WHAT...... *BOoooOOm* The room is full of smoke. Seconds later it disappears. Buster finally frees Babs... BABS : (Relieved) Free at last.... BUSTER: Sorry, but we had to do 2 Chapters... Wait a minute.....where's the duck ? Buster looks at the floor between them.... BABY PLUCKY: Elelator go down the hoooooole. Buster and Babs look at each other... Fade to black Buster and Babs are sailing homewards on the pirates ship Buster steering. Babs standing next to him... BABS : (Gushing) Oh Buster, my hero...You really saved me. BUSTER: Oh Babs.... You know I'll always be there for you. Babs hugs him. Then she kisses him...uhmmm.....for some...minutes. Buster dissolves into a puddle (like it always happens.-) Later he regains his normal shape . BUSTER: You know, Babs....I feel like I forgot something.... The coast of Creepy-Island : WALT : Where did this blue kid go ? Oh, well....I'll stay here. At least I got my 567 "Mickey Mouse" Magazines. Back on Funny-Island : Buster and Babs leave the ship. Two well-known pirates are already waiting at the beach... PIRATE1: You really did it, huh ? BUSTER : I did it ! PIRATE2: At last ! There'll be enough grog for all the pirates again ! PIRATE1: Thank you very much. I think you proved that you really are a comedian. Hereby I declare you're....uhhhm....funny. BUSTER : That's all ? No ticker tape parade, no party, no money ?? PIRATE2: The budget is used up.... BUSTER : Great... PIRATE1: And now..... PIRATES: GROG ! GROG ! GROG ! They leave the scene. BUSTER: (to cam) I hope you learned something at least... BABS : You mean there's a moral ?? BUSTER: Sure...uhm...don'make a mountain...no...don't ever trust....no..... Babs kisses him. BUSTER: Well, perhaps the moral's not THAT important... Dan appears out of nowhere... DAN : Hey, nice ship...Are you interested in a deal ? BUSTER & BABS : Bye, bye folks ! FADE TO BLACK And that's the E N D of the story.... .....no...REALLY ;-) ____________________________________________________________________ OK...that's all ! I hope you enjoyed reading. Perhaps you even laughed sometimes ?! ;) Feel free to send any comments, criticism and proposals of marriage to : Thomas Schmitz But remember : It's my first story ! THANX TO: Stefan Duetzer The editor of the original German version encouraged and supported me. He read, thought, made comments, thought, corrected mistakes...and thought. Thanks a lot, Steve !! :-) AND RRQUEST He reviewed the English version in order to correct mistakes and Americanize it a little. His tips were really great, and helped to improve the story a lot. You were very helpful, thanks !! :-) TTA-Characters (c) by Warner Brothers. Guybrush Threepwood (c) by Lucas Arts. The Three-Headed Monkey (c) by Lucas Arts. Quoted song "Women and Men" (c) by They Might Be Giants. Everything used without permission. Ok, then sleep well TTA-Fans all over the world ! THAT'S ALL FOLKS The Mystery Of Funny Island (c) by Thomas Schmitz 1998